A Captive Situation (Kings of New York)

“Sawyer. Sweetie. I’m concerned. Why are you still in New York City? It’s been another week. I understand that you wanted a change of scenery because of the wedding that hap—but, honey, when are you coming back?”

Never.

That was my automatic response, but I had to stop myself from sharing that. My mom would go ballistic, and I knew she was already worried about me. To give her credit, she had reason. In the two weeks being here, I’d alternated between being a zombie or a tourist, but mostly I was trying to get the courage to see Graham.

Technically, he was family, so it wasn’t like I was some random person on the street searching him out, but there was that weirdness in the family. I didn’t understand the rift between his mom and the rest of the sisters.

My mom and my two aunts were so close. Phyllis, Bess, and Clara.

Phyllis was my mom. Bess and Clara never had children and I didn’t have siblings, so the four of us were tight. Maude was their fourth and youngest sister, and she had three children. I’d met her girls a few times, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted to be closer to all of my cousins.

I wanted to fix it. This was a heartbreak that I could fix. At least, that’s where I was funneling most of my energy right now. The tourist bucket list was happening, but I kept finding myself needing to fix something in my life.

Family issues, you’re up to bat.

Also, the certainty that I was so having a midlife crisis had risen to 65 percent. That was the only thing that made sense because as my mom was talking, I knew. I just knew.

I wasn’t going back.

I gulped as those words went through my mind, but it was the truth.

Oh my goodness.

“Did you get in touch with Graham? His mother called to complain that you called her a few times asking about him, where he works. I believe he’s on that picture app, Instacart or something? He works at Exhibit, that’s some fancy architecture business. He’s an architect. You’d think that’d be something your aunt would be boasting about. You’ll have to keep me informed, let me know how Graham is. But I blame my sister. Maude’s never encouraged her kids to have relationships with the rest of us. I don’t know what her problem is.”

I didn’t think there was any big secret to why I hadn’t met Graham. I was certain it had to do with our mothers and aunts, but whatever it was, it was going to get dealt with.

She kept grumbling, saying the same narrative she always did when she started ranting about the one sister that wasn’t close to the other three. Maude was always the odd sister on the outside. That’s how it’d been all my life.

But Mom ranting was normal.

What wasn’t normal was what she almost said just now. Logically, she was referring to my supposed wedding, but a different sensation went down my spine. I didn’t think she was referring to my wedding. It was in the tone of her voice. There was a lack of familiarity with that word, as if it belonged to someone else. Not to the wedding she was supposed to have helped me with.

Dread lined my insides, and I clenched onto my phone tighter. I was sitting at a pizzeria, enjoying an afternoon beer when my mother called today.

The beer was forgotten now.

“Mom,” I said.

She quieted.

I readied myself. “You said ‘the wedding that hap—’ You cut yourself off.” I folded my head. “My wedding didn’t happen, so it couldn’t be my wedding you’re talking about.” Fuck. Shit. This hurt. My throat was being scraped from the inside out. “Whose wedding were you referring to?”

“Honey.” Her voice dropped. “I can’t bring myself to tell you.”

Oh, god.

He ended things with us. He did. Beck. He dumped me. I gave up so much for him . . . I couldn’t go there. What was she about to say to me?

“Mom?” My voice got quiet.

Her voice was strained. “I have to go. We can talk about it when you come home.”

She ended the call.

My mind was spinning. What just happened?

My chest felt like it was caving in on itself. I pressed a hand there, and drew in a breath. Jesus. It hurt.

The beer. The pizzeria. The sounds of the city that surrounded me, all of it faded completely.

I felt so alone.

Later that night, my phone started buzzing.

Aunt Clara: Bess and I got the download from your mother. What do you want to know about your cousin? We’re on it.

Aunt Clara: You want us to reach out to him? I can do that. I won’t go through Maude for his information. I’ve got internet friends who can help get his 411.

Aunt Bess: Don’t go through your mother anymore for that information. It stresses her out. You know how she is. She likes everyone getting along and Maude is the opposite. She thrives on negativity. We’re here for you. We’re your pillars. What do you need from us?

My aunts had decided to tag in with me.

That meant my mom handed me off to them.

A day later, my phone buzzed again. More texts.

Aunt Bess: We get you don’t want to talk about this right now, but Clara is on a trip. She’s going to stink bomb Beck’s car and she’s rallying some of the neighbors to start keeping an eye on him. A heads up. You know how she is. We may need limits because shit can go sideways real quick with her.

Aunt Clara: I joined the walking club that goes past Manda’s house. Tomorrow I’ll make friends with the neighbors across the road from her place.

Aunt Clara: Don’t listen to anything Bess is saying. She needs to keep her nose out of my business. I’ve got it handled. We’ll set up a way to communicate later on. I’ll send the code system tomorrow. Stand by.

What? Code system?

I considered asking. Should I ask them what my mom started to spill? They would tell me. My dad was around, but it was the four of us against the world. It felt that way sometimes. Bess and Clara never hid the truth from me. If I asked, they answered.

I held the phone in my hand, and wavered.

My hand started shaking.noveldrama

No. That was me. I was shaking.

I put the phone aside.

I wasn’t ready to know. Not yet.

It could break me further, and Beck didn’t get that option anymore.

I’d ask later.

It was time to hit up a Broadway show.