Chapter 47
47 Get Out of My Head
(Winona)
I'm not sure I'm ready. I thought I would be. "Let's get this day over with first."
I extract myself from his arms and pick up some oven trays full of party favorites to heat. The oven's warmth is a stark contrast to the cold pit in my stomach.
"Of course." Phillip gets some cheese and fruit platters from the fridge. "I'll go put these on the table." He smiles, trying to ease the tension, but I can sense the unease between us. "Thanks." Then I hesitate. "Phillip?"
"Yes?" He turns back to look at me, concern in his eyes, his eyebrows furrowing slightly.
"Play it cool out there." I bite my lip, the worry gnawing at me.
Memories of Jayden and our time together flash through my mind. His sexy smile, the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed, how safe I felt in his arms. Ishake the thoughts away, focusing on the present. will." Phillip's voice is reassuring, but I can still see the tension in his posture.
*Abby may say some things. Kids don't understand adult stuff. But this is her big day, and she has a long road ahead, so it needs to be special. For all of us." I take a deep breath; I stop short of saying we may not get another birthday. "Understood." He nods, giving me a small smile before heading out. I watch him go, my mind racing with a thousand thoughts.
1 hear the doorbell chime. "I'll get that." I say as I go back out to find them chatting about the cake together.
Jayden looks up, and our eyes meet. A jolt of something nostalgia, longing, regret runs through me.
Ashlyn doesn't look overly impressed. I hope what Abby said earlier doesn't trigger her. Maybe I should've gotten Jayden to do this in private, but what's done is done now.
As I head towards the front door, it opens and in strolls Judy, looking a billion dollars, literally. Her presence fills the room, and I feel a wave of anxiety wash over me.
Memories of Judy's critical eye and hateful comments surface, making me tense. Why does all of this have to hit me today?
"Winona! Oh, what a quaint little home! You're looking amazing as always." She proceeds to air-kiss both my cheeks.
Sorry we don't all have a twelve-bedroom mansion, I think sarcastically.
"Now, where's that granddaughter of mine?" she asks as she heads off towards Jayden and Abby.
Oh, man. I think I prefer her being hostile towards me. Her friendliness feels like a trap waiting to spring.
The party is only just beginning, and I already feel like in walking on a tightrope, one unknowing step away from disaster.
#
47 Get Out of My Head
I glance over at Jayden, sitting with Abby. His eyes are soft as he looks at her, and a pang of something - jealousy? longing? - hits me.
I remember the early days of our relationship, the way he made me laugh, the way we talked about our dreams and future. It's hard to see him now, part of that future we planned, but with someone else. Ashlyn is watching them too, her face a mix of emotions I can't quite read. I hope she can handle this. I hope I can handle this.
The doorbell rings again and I open it to Lisa's smiling face, and Lance is with her. Interesting.
"Come in!"
As Lisa hugs me I whisper, "thank god you're here."
Lance heads toward the other guys and the birthday girl.
"Is Judy being a monster?" Lisa asks.
"Worse. She's being nice."
"Ugh!"
I don't
We both laugh and I see some nurses who helped care for Abby coming in the gate. I invite them all in to join the others. We're a small group but Abby hadn't started kindergarten before she fell ill. So, I know any other kids and mothers at this stage.
"I'll be right back. Help yourself to everything." I say before I head to the kitchen again.
Then I see Lisa eyeing the fruit punch.
"It's alcohol free." I say knowing exactly what she's thinking.
"Oh. Okay. Kid's party. I get it."
"I'll hook it up after the cake cutting and when Abby goes for a nap."
Lisa gives me the double thumbs up. Jayden gives me a wink.Property of Nô)(velDr(a)ma.Org.
I walk into the kitchen, needing a moment to collect myself. The noise of the party fades as I close the door behind me. I lean against the counter, taking deep breaths.
The memories of Jayden are overwhelming, and I need to focus on the present, on making this day perfect for Abby.
I think back to the times Jayden and I spent in the kitchen, cooking together, laughing as we made a mess. His hands would always find mine, guiding me, reassuring me.
I shake my head, trying to clear the memories. I can't let myself go down that path. Get out of my head.
Phillip walks in. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, just needed a moment," I say, forcing a smile. "Let's get this hot food out there.
We carry the trays out, the smell of the party favorites lling the room.
Abby is laughing with Jayden, and for a moment, I allow myself to imagine what could have been if things
47 Get Out of My Head
were different.
As the party goes on, I can't help but steal glances at Jayden. Every time I do, a flood of memories comes back our first date, the way he held me during thunderstorms, the way he cared for me after I lost our first baby. I push the thoughts away, knowing they're not helpful and take some empty trays back to the kitchen.
I hear footsteps behind me and turn to smile at Phillip and thank him for helping.
It's Jayden.
47 Get Out of My Head
were different.
As the party goes on, I can't help but steal glances at Jayden. Every time I do, a flood of memories comes back - our first date, the way he held me during thunderstorms, the way he cared for me after I lost our first baby. I push the thoughts away, knowing they're not helpful and take some empty trays back to the kitchen.
I hear footsteps behind me and turn to smile at Phillip and thank him for helping.
It's Jayden.