Holding on to you

Killian P. O. V

A baby?!NôvelDrama.Org: text © owner.

I can’t believe that Red was pregnant, according to the doctor she was about eight weeks when she missed carried, so she had to be about two weeks when she ran.

As much as I tried to quell my anger at her for running, I just couldn’t seem to brush it aside that easily. Every bone in my body begged me to punish her, to inflict on her the pain that I loved to give.

However, I knew that I’d have to wait because as sadistic as I am, I wasn’t going to add to the trauma that she was already going through. Ever since I got her back she would wake in the middle of the night and start crying, and as much as I tried to soothe her nothing seemed to work. The crying lasted for about an hour before she would be calm enough to go to sleep.

Watching her go through that much pain and feeling powerless to help her woke the demon in me that craved for blood. My frustration was building to the point of eruption and I knew that I had to release it.

Every time I thought about who kept her from me for six weeks I itched to grab my gun and empty it in his head, so instead of hurting the motherf**ker, I’d leave the minute fell into a dreamless sleep and take my anger out in the gym.

It took everything in me not to kill both her ex and her best friend, I don’t know what the hell they were thinking, keeping her from me, but I intended to find out.

I not only had to deal with those f**kers but I also had to deal with her parents too. I was pissed as f**k, there just wasn’t any way I was letting anyone take her from me again. I was more than ready to end the idiot or idiots crazy enough to try, and I could care less if they were her parents.

I knew her father wanted to knock me out for making her tell them that she belonged to me. I almost wanted him to try, I was so wired up that beating the crap out of him would have settled some of my demons.

The punching bag that I was beating on threatened to burst, but I didn’t care. With each new hit, the angry fire in me was doused just a little, I needed the violence as much as I needed my next breath, it’s just who I am.

Movements behind me caused me to stop what I was doing and turn around. An irritated growl escaped from me when I saw who it was. I just couldn’t seem to catch a break from the man-eating bitch!

“What the hell do you want Natasha?!”

She just shrugged her shoulders, and with a slight move of her head, she tossed her long red hair to the side, exposing her slender shoulders.

“You know what I want Killian, and you want it just as much.”

I gave her a look of indifference, letting her know that I was not interested in where the conversation was going. However, she didn’t let it bother her, instead, she moved further into the room. Her hips swaying from side to side, the black robe she wore slipped further and further off of her shoulder as she moved, exposing her black bra underneath.

“Come on, Killian, you and I both know that your precious, Red, can’t give you what I can give you. She can’t make you feel what I can.”

She was standing fully in front of me, her robe no longer on her body. Only her bra and thong kept me from seeing all of her. I wasn’t one of those fools who lied to themselves and deny the beauty of a woman’s body just because they happened to find love.

No, I knew that Natasha has an amazing body and I knew just how amazing she can be in bed, but what I felt with her was a fraction of what it was like with Red. There’s no f**king way that I was going to drink water when I could be sipping on the finest wine instead.

I closed the gap between us and grabbed her shoulders, I knew I was holding her tight because that familiar heat was in her eyes. She was getting turn on from the pain.

“Is that right, Nat, you think you know what I want?”

I increased my hold on her and walked her back up against the wall. Holding back my strength but not too much I pushed her against it. The impact caused her to cry out but not in pain.

“Be careful what you wish for Natasha, or you might just get exactly what you’re looking for.”

Her panting breath played across my face as she leaned into me, but she never got close enough to do what I knew she wanted to do because I shoved her back.

“I know exactly what I want Killian, and if you stop being a bitch and starting acting like the guy I know you to be, you’d get exactly what you want to.”

My eyes darkened and I leaned close to her, the lust lit in her eyes and she smiled. I moved my hands from her shoulders up to her neck, I watched her bite her lips and moaned whilst closing her eyes. When she opened them back to look at me they were clouded with unadulterated lust.

“Let’s get one thing straight now Natasha, there’s nothing that you could offer me that would in any way be equivalent to what I have with Lilly. I’m not going to deny that when we were together you were the best f**k I ever had, but you’re like a dying campfire compare to the volcanic heat that is my wife.”

I saw the jealous rage take over features, she opened her mouth to say something but stopped. Instead, she looked over my shoulders and smirked, and before I could find out what it was, I felt her lips on mine.

I didn’t waste any time pushing her off of me, she had a satisfied smile on her face. I turned to see who she was smiling at, and that’s when I saw Red running from the room.

Without saying a word to Natasha I left and when after my girl. I feared that she’d do what she did last time and run, but when I got to the bedroom I found her in bed curled into herself crying.

Something in me broke seeing her like that, so I crawled on the bed and gathered her in my arms.

At first, she tried to shrug me off, but after a while, she gave in and leaned into me. When she was calmed enough for me to talk to her I tilted her head up so that I can see her eyes. She had this lost, unsure look in them and I wanted it gone. If there was one thing she can be sure of, it was my loyalty and commitment to her.

“She’s not you, she will never be you and the only girl I want is you.”

She nodded. Her face brightening somewhat, I knew that no further explanation was needed, so I didn’t give any. Instead, I dip my head and took her lips in a soft kiss. She was still fragile and I didn’t want to push her beyond her limits until she was fully healed to accommodate me.

After the kiss, I held her in my arms and we stayed like that, not saying a word to each other. I felt as well as heard her breathing become even, and then I let myself relaxed enough to sleep.

However, about ten minutes after I closed my eyes I felt her moved then her lips were pressed against mine. I decided not to react just to see what else she was going to do, but it wasn’t what she did that threw me, it was what she said.

“I think I might be falling in love with you.”

The words were whispered so softly that if I wasn’t fully aware of her I wouldn’t have heard it. I opened my eyes to look at her, but she already had hers closed and was drifting off into a deep slumber.

I let those ten words play over and over in my head, I was unsure what to do with them. It was never my intention to make her fall for me, I wanted her to crave me the same way I craved her. I needed her in my life, I needed to breathe her in to satisfy my obsessive need for her.

I needed to own and control every part of her life, I like it that she has to depend on me for everything. I wanted to be the only one who made her laugh, cry or smile. I wanted to be the only one who made her sad and also be her only source of happiness. I wanted to make her feel pain and watch as her beautiful eyes filled with tears. I wanted to be her everything, but what I never expected or wanted was her love.

For some reason hearing that she might be in love with me pissed me off. Yes, I wanted to be her everything and more, but I also wanted her to hate me.

Whatever the f**k I was doing wrong I intended to remedy it, I didn’t want her to look at me with love in her eyes, I’d much rather see hate and desire.