I want You Deeper

“I can’t do this.”

They stood in the entryway to the banquet hall, staring into a

room filled with people eating. Some carried plates from the buffet to their tables, while the rest sat, chatting and enjoying the food. Nicholas saw no sign of anyone he’d met last night, but there were so many people, the whole scene somehow merged into a sea of faces.

“Of course, you can.” Nicholas looked around. “It’s just breakfast.”

“No. It’s the whole thing. I just…I don’t like these people.”

He frowned. They’d driven from Silicon Valley for this, and he’d thought everything had been going well. When he’d said goodnight to her and headed into his room last night, she’d been quiet and pensive, sure, but this morning, she’d seemed ready to tackle the challenges of the day.ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

“We could just go home,” he said.

“No.” She shook her head. “I want to go to the reunion tonight. I just… don’t want to do this.”

He didn’t see the difference, but he liked the idea of not spending the morning around her friends. Specifically, he liked the idea of not spending the morning around the friends he’d met last night. Who weren’t really friends.

“Let’s go.”

With those two words, he spun and headed toward the lobby. He didn’t explain where he was taking her. The real surprise was that she didn’t ask any questions, not even after they climbed in his car and he took off.

“I don’t have my purse or my phone,” she gasped as they sped out of the parking lot.

“You don’t need either. Who’s going to call you?”

She laughed. “Certainly not any of my classmates. You know the problem?”

He glanced over at her as they waited at the traffic light in front of the hotel. “What?’

“None of my friends are here. These aren’t my friends. My friends aren’t interested in reunions.”

“You knew this ahead of time?”

“Yes, but I felt like… like I had something to prove. The friends I reached out to didn’t feel that way. They hated high school and had no interest in going back.”

Nicholas nodded and pressed the gas pedal as the light turned green. “That’s exactly how I felt. What’s the point? I have one thing in common with those people-we shared a building for a few years when we were young. The ones I want to see again? I’d rather just meet up with them at a coffee shop when I’m in town.”

“Most of my friends moved away for college and never returned.” Charlie sighed. “I don’t know. I guess last night made me realize how much

I let those people get to me. The whole bones thing-”

“You don’t even realize how beautiful you are, do you?”

It took some courage to say that, but it had been exactly what he’d wanted to say last night. Anyone would have noticed Charlie’s hesitation about letting those women see her in her bathing suit, which was the most absurd thing he could imagine. He’d barely gotten a glimpse of her as she rushed to cover up with that towel, but he’d seen enough to know that she looked amazing. If anyone had body-shamed her over the way she looked now, he’d chalk it up to one thing and one thing only: jealousy.

But his compliment hung in the air between them. It had made things awkward. Had it been inappropriate?

“Where are we going, exactly?” she asked.

“Lunch.”

Nicholas had spent a little time in Sacramento, and he knew just the place to take her. He’d actually thought, while dining there with a business client, that it would be the perfect spot for a date. Very romantic. He just hoped they were open this early.

“It doesn’t look like much from the outside but trust me.” Nicholas pulled into the parking lot, grabbing one of the available spots near the front door. There were a couple of other cars here, so he took that as a good sign they were open. “Lunch on the water. Can’t beat it.”

“I love the water.”

Nicholas smiled. It had been a shot in the dark, but something had told him Charlie would enjoy being on the water. Who didn’t? The beach would be more romantic, but he wasn’t sure romantic was the vibe they needed right now. Enjoyable would do just fine.

Upon request, the hostess led them to a table on the dock, which was pretty much where everyone sat unless the weather was bad. It was the perfect Sacramento day, though. Not too hot and not too cold.

“I always wanted to try this place,” Charlie said once they were seated, menus in front of them.

Oh, yeah. She was from here. How could he possibly have forgotten?

“I grew up in the suburbs, about thirty minutes from here,” she explained without him even having to ask. “We didn’t come downtown all that much, except for senior prom. Really, that was the only time, now that I think about it. We had everything we needed in town.”

Nicholas nodded. “I grew up in Pacific Heights. We were in the middle of everything.”

Her eyebrows arched, and he knew exactly what she was thinking. Pacific Heights. Anyone who had spent any time at all in San Francisco knew Pacific Heights was the uppity neighborhood in the city. Yes, he had advantages. He was well aware of that. But he also put significant time and resources into charitable work to try to pay it forward as much as he could.

He was eager to change the subject. “Well, glad I could introduce you to a new place to visit when you come to town.”

Charlie wrinkled her nose in an obvious signal of distaste. “I don’t come back to Sacramento, and certainly not to my hometown. My mom’s in

Milwaukee, as I said. No reason to come back here.” “Except for reunions,” he commented.

“I think this will be the last one of those for me.”

“You needed closure.”

The server came to take their order, interrupting them. Once she was headed toward the kitchen, Nicholas resumed waiting for Charlie’s response to his statement. He soon realized she either hadn’t heard him or had no intention of replying.

So he repeated it. “Closure. That’s why you came back, isn’t it?”

Still silence. He realized, as she looked out over the water, she was thinking about it. Thinking through what he’d just presented.

“I don’t know why. Why would I care what they think of me?”

As she asked the question, she turned her gaze on him, intense emotion in her expression. This wasn’t something she took lightly. It wasn’t like his reunion, which he’d simply avoided because it had felt like a nuisance. For her, this was a huge deal.

“I don’t think it has anything to do with Shellie or any of her friends. It’s about your own personal growth.”

Her eyes narrowed. She tilted her head just slightly in a look that clearly conveyed curiosity. She wanted to hear more.

“Last night-the towel. You wouldn’t get out of the pool until you were covered. Why?”

Her eyes widened, and for a scary second, he worried he’d gone a step too far. What made him think even if he was right about the towel, she’d want to talk to him about it?

When she finally spoke, she said, “It’s not just Shellie. Jamie’s just as guilty.”

“Jamie? The one who was talking to me at the buffet?”

“Yes. She’s been Shellie’s best friend since kindergarten. Heck, maybe before. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were next to each other in the hospital nursery hours after birth. Jamie was the one at the pool with Shellie that day when I was babysitting. They were the two girls I was telling you about.”

Wow. Nicholas hadn’t pieced that together. He was sure she’d mentioned the second girl by name, but he hadn’t connected the name when he’d met Jamie last night. Now he understood even more why she’d felt self-conscious at the pool.

“I wish I could say it’s just Shellie and Jamie. I’m just…I like being covered.” She looked down at her body, which was, indeed, covered from neck to ankle. She even wore a long-sleeved blouse. It seemed a bit much for daytime in Sacramento, especially as hot as it was, but it had made much more sense for breakfast in the hotel. It didn’t make as much sense eating outdoors on a dock on the river.

“Which is why this weekend can help you. If you let it.”

He was no therapist. He was winging it here. But those two sentences popped out before he’d really thought them through. Once he stopped to think about them, though, he realized they made total sense.

“Closure,” she said.

Nicholas smiled. She was getting it now. That was exactly what she needed.

“So what?” She laughed. “Show up for the reunion tonight in my bathing suit?”

Now he laughed. “That might do it. But I’m thinking confront it headon.”

The server set down their drinks, giving them a brief break in the conversation. When she walked away, Charlie had that contemplative look on her face again.

“It’s my only chance, isn’t it?” Charlie lifted her gaze to meet his. “I should say something.”

“Just walk up to them and speak your mind.” Nicholas shrugged and took a generous sip of his water. “No big deal.”

“Right. No big deal. Only confronting all my demons in one evening.”

“I can do it for you if you’d like. I’d love to say something that wipes that smug smile off Shellie’s face.”

Jamie would probably be a better target. He had a feeling she’d be more receptive to whatever he had to say. He could even warm up by pretending he wanted to talk to her about something else, then spring the conversation about Charlie on her.

“No, this is something I need to do. But what do I say?”

Nicholas sat back in his seat, thinking it through. “Start by making sure Shellie and Jamie are standing next to each other. Then walk up and tell them how hurtful their words were. Point out that despite their efforts, you became a confident, successful, beautiful person. Then say you hope they find some inner peace because tearing down others is just rotting them from the inside.”

Too far? From the look on Charlie’s face, he thought maybe so. Her eyes widened and her perfectly pouty lips seemed frozen in a puzzled frown.

“Wow,” she said. “That’s intense.”

But her mouth broke out in a smile. She liked it, but only in a theoretical sense, he figured. She’d never say something like that.

“That’s how I see it,” Nicholas said. “The way she treated you says far more about her than you.”

“Is this where you’re going to say she was jealous because that’s not the case at all-”

“No. Just that people like that, well, I feel sorry for them. They sit around looking at others, talking about them, because they don’t have enough going on in their own lives. Do you gossip about other people?”

Again, Charlie stopped to think. It was an instinct, and he hoped he was right. Mostly because he wanted to be able to make this point.

“I guess I don’t, really. Brooke and I talk about her relationship, shows we like. Wait-do celebrities count?”

He thought about that for a second. “No. Celebrities don’t count.”

“Maybe they should. If your point is gossiping is bad for us, gossiping about celebrities is the same. I’d be a far more productive, useful person if I channeled that energy elsewhere.”

Nicholas nodded. He could see that. He never spent time gossiping. It just wasn’t his thing. Even as a teenager, he’d been a little too focused on his own life to worry about what other people were doing.

“You can see, though, that Shellie might have her own issues, which was why she picked on you,” he said.

“Yes. I see it. Jamie, too. You know how sometimes the rational part of you says something, but you don’t listen to that rational part? That’s how it is the second I see the two of them.”

“Which is exactly why I don’t go to my high school reunions. It’s like you slip right back into those dynamics. You’re a teenager again, with all the insecurities. Except for the people who loved high school. I guess they go right back to whatever they felt at that age.”

Charlie studied him while he talked. Was it his imagination, or had her expression changed? It was in her eyes. There had been a shift, but it was a shift back to the cool confidence he’d seen when he first met her, back at her office.

“Closure,” she said with an assertive nod as their sandwiches were set down in front of them. “That’s exactly what I’m going to get.”