Good intentions
Isn’t it funny how the smallest of actions can carry such great consequences? We may set out to do something with the absolute best of intentions, but larger forces seem to conspire against us and the subsequent outcome is far different than we ever could have imagined. This is a story of just one such event, and the resulting pickle in which I now find myself.
My name is Jill, and I am a forty-three-year-old divorced mom of two wonderful children. My eldest is a daughter who is twenty-one years of age and lives nearby in an apartment with her longtime boyfriend. My youngest is Kyle, an eighteen-year-old high school senior who lives here at home with me.
I am a registered nurse and work the odd hours that often come with the job. As such, I have to admit I was not always around to observe my children’s lives as much as I would have liked, particularly since the divorce. My daughter, Michelle, seemed to enjoy wonderful school years and was always on the go at one function or another. Kyle’s high school experience appeared much different however, which caused me a great deal of concern.
Kyle is a smart, handsome kid, but is also quite shy. As a child he had several good friends and was very active, but of late he seemed to always be at home alone, working or playing on his laptop. I spoke to him about it several times, but he simply said he and his buddies preferred playing video games online to just hanging out like they used to. I never understood video games and hoped he was being honest with me, yet I remained a tad skeptical.
I confided in a couple of my friends that I was worried about Kyle’s behavior, but none appeared worried at all. The common refrain from them all was simply, “Kids are just different these days, Jill.” As much as I wanted to believe them, I was still worried.
I began to contemplate Kyle’s sexuality for the first time. Did he masturbate? Was he a virgin? Had he ever even kissed a girl, or touch a breast? Could it be he might be gay and struggling to come to grips with that fact? I then thought about all the time he spent online. Was he going into adult sites to see things he didn’t have in real life? He had become withdrawn in some ways, so nothing would really surprise me.
My ex-husband and I had more than our share of issues in our relationship, but nocturnal activities in the bedroom were never a part of them. We both enjoyed high sex drives, so I just assumed our children would follow our lead. A healthy sexual appetite is a good thing for one’s outlook on life.
As a single mom, I didn’t want to smother him, so I let him walk his own path. Now I realized he may have needed a confidant to share things with, or maybe get advice from time to time. As part of my job, I listen to patients all the time, but for some inexplicable reason, had neglected my own child.
I had let things go on too long and made up my mind to have a heart to heart with Kyle, the likes of which we’d never had before. When I arrived home after work, I poured myself a glass of wine and tried to figure out the best way to tackle things with him. I certainly didn’t want to come on too strong after ignoring his behavior like I had.
When he came home from school that afternoon, Kyle went straight to his room, as he did most every day. I took a deep breath, knocked on his door, and entered the room to chat with him.
Kyle seemed annoyed that I interrupted whatever he was doing online, but he made a few keystrokes on his laptop and then looked up at me. I tried to give him my best easy going smile to let him know everything was okay, and then I sat down on the bed beside his desk. “Kyle, is everything okay at school?”
“Sure Mom, why do you ask?”
I hesitated for a moment, then responded, “Well, it’s just I never see you with your friends anymore.”
“I told you, we like to play online,” he answered, sounding somewhat irritated.
“I know, sweetie, it’s just you never seem to leave the house.”
“Mom, what’s this all about?” he asked.
“Nothing, really… it’s just, well, I’m concerned about you,” I stammered, suddenly regretting that second glass of wine.
“I’m fine,” he responded, as his hands went back to the computer.
He must have felt the conversation was over, but I was just getting started. “Do you have a girlfriend?”
Kyle let out an audible sigh, and simply replied, “No.”
I wasn’t sure exactly how to ask it, but before I even knew what happened I said, “You do like girls, don’t you?”
“Jesus, Mom!” he barked. “Is that what this is all about?”
“Relax honey, please,” I said, trying to calm things down.
“I’m fine, okay,” he replied, and then added, “And I’m not gay.”
A big part of me felt like I’d crossed the line and should leave him alone. We both remained silent for a moment; unsure of what to say next. I finally decided to get one more thing out in the open, so I stammered less than eloquently, “You know I’m a nurse, and, well, if you ever have any questions, umm, you know… about sex, you can ask me.”
Kyle blushed, but simply nodded back at me with a somber look upon his face.
Not wanting to let things drop just yet, I added, “I know your dad isn’t great at this stuff, so if you need anything, I mean anything, just ask. Okay?” He nodded once more, and with that I decided to let him off the hook and walked away.
Over the next few weeks, I did my best to engage Kyle in conversation whenever possible, and overall, he seemed okay with my renewed interest in his life. He didn’t push me away, which was a start anyway. I pressed him gently about any relationships with girls, but he was not very forthcoming. I had the impression he was still a virgin, but that was fine with me. He assured me life was good, so I dropped it.
One night after working the graveyard shift, I stopped into a convenience store to grab a cup of coffee for the ride home. I had been in numerous times before and had spied the adult magazines lined up on a rack behind the counter. After all my questioning of Kyle regarding his love life, I impulsively decided to buy him a couple as a bit of an olive branch.
I didn’t know which ones to get, but the two names I recognized were Playboy and Penthouse, so I purchased one of each. The guy behind the counter gave me a lecherous grin, but thankfully said nothing as he tucked them in a paper sack for me. I almost ran to the car before anyone could see me with them, and then headed for home.
After Kyle left for school, I pulled the magazines out of the bag and was tempted to review them. They were wrapped in plastic, so I decided to leave them as they were and set them on a table next to his bed. I hoped my act would show him I thought he was an adult, and it was safe to engage me about his feelings if ever he needed to.Content rights by NôvelDr//ama.Org.
I intentionally made it a point of not asking him about the magazines the next few days, and Kyle said nothing either. We both pretended nothing had changed. Candidly, I wondered if he had been masturbating to the pictures, which was fine with me. I owned a vibrator and diddled myself off at least three or four times per week, so I couldn’t be a hypocrite.
I did notice that he become more attentive to me, helping clean up after dinner and the like. Maybe he had come to appreciate my attention, and the fact that I tried to treat him like an adult rather than a child.
About two weeks later, I just happened to have an entire Tuesday off, so I did errands and cleaned the house. When I brought a load of fresh laundry into Kyle’s room, I was suddenly curious about the magazines I had left. I opened the drawer of his bedside table and found them right on top. It had been years since I’d actually looked at one and wondered if they were still the same.
I sat down on Kyle’s bed and began leafing through the Playboy. I was mildly surprised to find there were so many articles about things other than sex. The pictorials were tastefully done, and the women were even more beautiful than I had remembered.
Done with the Playboy, I opened the Penthouse and began looking it over as well. The pictures were more graphic, but not too bad overall. I then found a section titled, Forum, and began to read. Apparently, they were letters from readers, detailing their sexual liaisons, and I must admit I quickly became engrossed. One of the first stories I read was from a college girl who seduced her professor, and it really made my pulse pound.
Next, I read about a guy who bedded his mother’s best friend, which seemed naughty but oh so sexy. Without even realizing what I was doing, my right hand wandered up under my skirt and I began softly stroking my pussy through my panties.
My body grew warmer as I scanned the subsequent tale. It was from a female lawyer who made it with her sexy new assistant in her office after hours. It reminded me of another nurse from work who made it clear on a couple of occasions she was interested in me. I was too chicken to acknowledge her overt hints, but I had fantasized about her on many occasions. Her name was Diane, and I closed my eyes and rubbed myself faster, picturing the two of us together just like the lawyer and her assistant.
I dropped the magazine and began pinching a nipple with my free hand while the other was busy between my legs. When my orgasm hit, I fell back on the bed with a loud moan, basking in the wonderful sensations. After a minute or so of panting and writhing atop the mattress, I opened my eyes and was shocked to see Kyle standing at the door to his room, a look of wonder written all over his face.